Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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