Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
