sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
