my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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