he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
