god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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