A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
