I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
