I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
