I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just invented taco cereal.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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