Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
