pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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