This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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