So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
