I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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