Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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