Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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