FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
