I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
