I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
