I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Quick, to the slutcave!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
