white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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