Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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