I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my being single is dangerous.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
