exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
