yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
