everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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