More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
