how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
