dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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