About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
