This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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