Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize