Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she pinky promised me she was 18
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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