i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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