I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
