alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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