I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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