He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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