fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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