I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
