So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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