She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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