He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
