i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
