don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
