when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
