so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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