Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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