she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
