Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
