My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
