I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize