i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
