My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
