my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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