No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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