I heard we made out
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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