Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
