hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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