Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
