we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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