this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
