I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
