here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
